hello social media. i am sitting on my atelier floor drinking green tea while listening to the xx and been wanting to tell you to fuck off. i am done with you. i am done with the images you present and the false realities. i am done with all the shit you are praising and the overlooked consequences you are causing. i didn’t post anything on instagram for seven weeks now and i am pretty sure i can exist without you. but lets talk about us. we were the perfect failed romance. in the beginning. both in love with this new excitement but never really with each other. and now after a while of living together everything is breaking down and you are showing your real face. all the damage caused and all the false expectations raised. you were never telling me what would happen. you would never tell me about the sleepless nights and the anger, the self-hate and the damage you would make without hesitation. it has been a long while until i understood that behind all those problems was always you looking at me through the glass screen hiding. hiding behind all those happy persons faces all those skinny persons bodies and those perfectly tidied houses. i always knew that that wasn’t my life and it would never be. but never would i have thought that it could get to me that bad. and please don’t tell me you didn’t knew what you were doing. manipulating me on all the channels in advance. for a certain period of time you were always there. during the happy days, the endless nights and everything in between. until one cloudy morning i woke up with red eyes because i slept three hours under pain and tears in my eyes because of you. i was feeling sick. sick from the inside of my soul. i tried to move away from my bed but could hardly manage to walk to the bathroom covered in three blankets because i felt so cold. i wasn’t physically sick but my mental health told that it was enough. that i needed to stop doing whatever did so much harm. well. it was you dear social media. your fucking stupid feel good image and rainbow land. i had a happy life back then and yet you shouted with every picture that it wasn’t good enough yet that i needed to workout more and be a better me. that i should eat clean and never drink. that i couldn’t be happy without this and this and the latest trend on my feed. i should have known that all these tiny pictures weren’t what they appeared but i was still drunk on love, drunk on the fact that i could be happier like this. in the end i realised under three blankets and way too much wodka that it was never me. that it was always you and your stupid advice. your happy faces, skinny bodies and tidy houses. i was just who i am. the little chubby redhead with too big of a mouth surrounded by art and chaos and i was good like that. i know i should have never listened but it is too late for that. i had my breakdown and we had our breakup. so please go now and take all your happy faces and skinny bodies and tidy houses and let me live. my body is a temple and i am the god it was built for.i have to live inside it day by day. and luckily i am happy now. after i spit out all your stupid mantras and deleted the pictures from my brain space. i am done with you. dear social media. fuck off.